I strapped a flamethrower onto one of them fancy thermal drones — the kind that can see a hog blink from half a mile away. Now when I say “hog control,” I don’t mean chasin’ ‘em with a flashlight and a .22… I mean rainin’ down the fires of the barbecue gods from the comfort of my lawn chair.
Pros:
• Thermal camera lights up hogs like neon pigs at a county fair.
• Flamethrower attachment turns ‘em into pulled pork without the smoker.
• Keeps my pastures hog-free and gives the neighbors somethin’ to talk about at church.
• Feels like piloting a redneck version of an Apache helicopter.
Cons:
• Drone battery only lasts about 30 minutes before it’s cryin’ for a recharge.
• Burn bans don’t take kindly to airborne BBQ operations.
• UPS driver won’t come down my driveway anymore.
Final Verdict:
If you got the cash, the land, and don’t mind a few calls from the sheriff, this puppy is hands-down the best darn hog repellent money can buy, seriously the second greatest thing to nascar
(don’t tell the ATF)